10 Really Black TV Theme Songs

1) Proud Family (2001-2005)

“They’ll push your buttons
They’ll make you wanna hug ‘em”

— Destiny's Child

2001, it’s hard to imagine a world where Beyoncé is just a 20 year-old burgeoning r&b/pop star recording theme music for a cartoon, and making guest appearances on WB sitcoms like Smart Guy.

Fast forward to today and Beyoncé has solidified herself as a musical genius, transcendent entertainer rivaled only by the late Michael Jackson, and a cultural icon so powerful that she tells Anna Wintour, Vogue, and Coachella how and when things will be done.

The star of the Proud Family’s intro is actually Beyonce’s younger sister Solange. Solange’s evolution has also been quite amazing. One of the most gifted and creative musicians we have today, Solange runs Saint records and gave us a masterpiece that was 2016’s A Seat at the Table.

Accompanying the Knowles sisters in this collaboration are Kelly Rowland and Michelle Williams, two thirds of Destiny’s Child. Michelle has ventured into gospel music and Kelly Rowland has had a successful r&b career, even collecting a 2000s classic hit, “Dilemma” with rapper Nelly. It is also important to note that Kelendria Rowland seems to never age and is best friends with Serena Williams and Ciara.

Solange is giving us an inspired solo running lines like “even when you start acting like a fool, you know I'm loving every single thing you do”. Beyonce, her thick Houston accent and the other two women are in the background harmonizing “they’ll make you scream, they’ll make you wanna sing!” just like an Aretha Franklin led church choir; Destiny’s Child AME. Beyoncé even gets to a falsetto.

Not pertaining to the song exactly, but a critical part of Black artistry is the work of Ms. Tina, Beyoncé and Solange’s momma. She was the girls’ stylists for many years and the outfits she has them in are peak 2001 swap meet fashion. Bedazzled denim jackets, air brushed cropped tanks, chunky belts, crinkled hair, a cowboy hat, lots of lipgloss, and Kelly Rowland’s Mary J. Blige “dancery” red hair. They were ready for any 106 and Park 2001 music video.

2) The Wayans Bros. (1995-1999)

“We’re brothers, we’re happy and we’re singing and we’re colored”

The opening sequence for The Wayans Bros is a satirical look at the way Hollywood caricatures Black actors. Two Black brothers in the “ghetto” dancing, high-fiving, patting their Afros while giving big slapstick smiles. Once the director screams, “cut, dynomite!", a ‘70s jive term from the Blaxploitation films of that decade, we transition to the rage and frustration Shawn and Marlon feel over this demeaning portrayal. Shaking their heads, deciding they’ve had enough, the two brothers slap the camera out of their purview and walk off set. Like other productions made by the Wayans such as Don't Be a Menace to South Central While Drinking Your Juice in the Hood, the whole segment is a “message”.

What makes this opening so brilliant is the juxtaposition of Blackness immediately after as rap group A Tribe Called Quest’s “Electric Relaxation” begins to play. For those unfamiliar with A Tribe Called Quest and their cultural significance, the Queens rap trio (sometimes quartet) are the innovators of jazz hip-hop. Jazz being the improvisational musical language of Black people in America post trans-Atlantic salve trade with roots extending back to Africa, the song samples the riff on Ronnie Foster’s “Mystic Brew”. Seeing Tribe’s influence 20 years later, J.Cole sampled that same riff for his song “Forbidden Fruit’ featuring Kendrick Lamar.

3) Moesha (1996-2001)

“Mo to tha E to tha...”

— Brandy Norwood AKA Moesha

The ‘90s and ‘00s saw many popular artists test out their acting skills on the TV screen. At only 17 years of age Brandy Norwood was coming off of her two-time platinum selling self-titled debut with singles like “Best Friend”, “Baby”, and “I Wanna Be Down’. Using the same talents that gave us one of the best r&b albums of the ‘90s, Brandy sang one of catchiest theme songs in recent memory.

Growing up, I was inspired seeing a brown-skinned black girl with braids, “Individuals” as we call them, “Singles” if you’re from the Bay Area, or Kardashian Box Braids if you sadly have no reference to Black culture, with her own show about everyday life in South Los Angeles. Outside of her chanting “Mo to the E to the” over and over again, my favorite moment is when she sings, “I gotta do what I gotta do. I gotta moooove”. Black colloquialism at its finest, Moesha offers no specificity in her intent or meaning yet every Black person understands what she’s trying to convey.

Capturing true Black life in South Los Angeles, the intro is shot in the historic neighborhood of Leimert Park with Moesha dancing in front of the fountain that has been a fixture there since the 1920’s.

If you watch HBO’s Insecure, Leimert Park is where Issa’s former employer, “We Got Y’all” is located and where she gives Nathan a tour of Hot and Cool Cafe, Eso Won Books and World Stage.

4) The Parkers (1999-2004)

“Daaaang Momma! Oouuu let’s party.”

— Countess Vaughn AKA Kimberly Ann Parker

Important Black History fact, The Parkers was the first sitcom to implement auto-tune for a theme song. True trailblazers, The Parkers intro music walked in order for That’s So Raven’s to fly. Because a couple of years after The Parkers first aired, Disney Channel used the same auto-tune and had Raven Simone sounding like T-Pain as she sang, “it’s the future I can see. It’s so mysterious to me”.

A spin-off of Moesha, The Parkers stars pre-meme era Countess Vaughn as Kim Parker. She was Moesha’s best friend and got her own series when her character went off to college. In the show, Kim is joined by her young mother, played by legendary comedian and actress Mo’Nique, who also enrolls at the same time to complete her education. The show follows their lives as not only mother and daughter, but now roommates and college cohorts.

Listening to the ad libs alone, Countess Vaugn is yelling out urban dictionary terminology like “Heeeey”, “That is cayute!”, “Daaaang momma”, and my favorite, “ouuu let’s party!”. Today, City Girls would for sure be doing the remix, period.

5) Living Single (1993-1998)

“Keep your head up, what?
Keep your head up, that’s right
Whenever this life get tough, you gotta fight
With my homegirls standing to my left and my right
True blue, it’s tight like glue”

— Queen Latifah

Another example of a successful solo artist transitioning to television. Hip-hip pioneer, Queen Latifah was coming off of her most successful album yet, Black Reign, featuring hit singles “U.N.I.T.Y.” and “Just Another Day” when she was offered the starring role of Khadijah James, editor and publisher of Flavor Magazine, an independent magazine all about the interests of the urban community. An accomplished rapper, singer, and actress, the New Jersey native did it all.

Following the lives of six young Black professionals maneuvering life in pre-gentrified Brooklyn, Living Single ran for five seasons and became one of the most popular and important TV shows of the last 30 years. Centered around sisterhood, dating, managing your career, and friendship among six very different personalities, Living Single is widely known as the show Friends stole its concept from, adding white characters, making it one of the longest running shows on TV.

If Living Single’s theme song became available for streaming, it would immediately chart. To this day people finish “Ooo in a 90s kinda world…” with “I’m glad I got my girls!”. The empowering lyrics reflect the attitude of the shows female characters who are not ashamed to be living their best single life. Even the video exudes Black womanist power with a dance solo from choreographer Leslie "Big Lez" Segar. 25 years later, that kick is still remembered.

6) Cousin Skeeter (1998-2001)

“You know how he does, and you Skeeter flows
All I wanna do is hug ya ‘cause I like your steelo
And I dig the way you move, and the way you do your thing”

— 702

I can’t tell if this is a Nickelodeon pre-teen program or a Puff Daddy music video. Platinum bubble jackets, all white suits, stage lights, background dancers, and a young Megan Good. Performing a rendition of their hit song “Steelo”, r&b group 702 remixes the song adding Skeeter’s name to the lyrics. Lusting and dancing over a puppet, the ladies are serenading him with lines like “Skeeter is what I want, Skeeter is what I need.” His puppetry aside, Skeeter is charming so the ladies attraction towards him is understandable.

Side note, 702 has one of the best Pharrell beats of all time for their song “I Still Love You”

7) Smart Guy (1997-1999)

“If I make a wrong decision it’s not the end of the world
I will reach my destination
make mistakes from A to Z
with each mistake there’s a new lesson
I can be...
(Anything you want to be!)”

This video has a freestyle rap verse, high-end fashion apparel in the form of a jersey, and the go-to dance move of this time, “The Bankhead Bounce”; the 1998 formula for success. When the Montell Jordan sounding singer croons the words “every day is a new lesson”, I felt that. The beat, the lyrics, the song is legitimately good and saying something quite important.

Bankhead Bounce

Smart Guy deserves infinite praise for 3 reasons in particular. 1) The star who plays TJ Henderson, Tahj Mowry, is the younger brother of twin actresses Tia and Tamera Mowry aka Sister, Sister. 2) Jason Weaver, who plays TJ’s older brother, is one of the most underappreciated actors of the past 30 years. Not only did he sing the role of young Simba in The Lion King movie, he played young Michael Jackson in The Jacksons: An American Dream so well you really believed he was him. 3) Destiny’s Child makes a cameo for an episode in which Beyoncé experiences and enjoys everyday teenage life so much that she contemplates walking away from her blossoming career to be a normal high school student and date Jason Weaver. Thank God this did not happen.

8) Kenan & Kel (1996-2000)

“Everybody out there go run and tell
Your homeboys and home girls it’s time for Kenan and Kel”

— Coolio

As you can tell, Nickelodeon was fully invested in the “urban” demographic. So much so they heard Coolio’s “Gangsta’s Paradise” and thought that he would be perfect to record the theme music for their latest young adult program. Fun fact, “Gangsta’s Paradise” is one of the best-selling singles of all time having sold over 6 million copies worldwide.

The lyrics: “Aww here it goes!”, “you gotta watch Kenan ‘cause Kenan be schemin’”, “this ain’t the Hardy Boys or a Nancy Drew mystery”. Those are great hip-hop bars that just happen to be for a teen show. The west coast G-funk instrumental is the perfect beat for Compton, California native Coolio to rhyme to. With the synthesizers, bass and strings, Snoop Dogg would have also been great on this.

Before Kenan & Kel, the trio had previously worked together on All That when Coolio appeared as a musical guest. Again, Nickelodeon was all about the urban vibe. So the trio is having the time of their life dancing around, interacting with fans at Universal Studios.

Another piece of Black History, Kel invents the popular dance “The Milly Rock” 20 years before it comes to Brooklyn, New York. It’s now so mainstream that characters can do it in the addictive video game Fortnite.

9) In the House (1995-1999)

“No diggity, no doubt baby
No diggity, no doubt
No diggity, no doubt baby
No diggity, no doubt
We in the house”

— LL Cool J

“No Diggity”, the phrase meaning “most definitely, for sure, absolutely” was popularized by the r&b group Blackstreet on their Dr. Dre produced hit of the same name and became a staple for ‘90s slang lexicon. The In The House theme song doesn’t have a verse and is only LL Cool J repeating the affirmation in his sultry deep voice. But the video, a behind the scenes photo shoot of the cast just looks really cool. Starring the one and only Ladies Love Cool James who was a superstar rapper and sex symbol before he was on NCIS, everyone is stylish and suave in all their black ensembles. Even Alphonso Ribeiro is oozing sex appeal shedding his familiar nerdy look as Carlton on The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air.

10) The Jeffersons (1975-1985)

“Fish don’t fry in the kitchen;
Beans don’t burn on the grill.
Took a whole lotta tryin’ just to get up that hill
”

— Ja'net Dubois

A Negro spiritual, complete with a choir and church organ, “Movin on Up” is all about this Black family in the ‘70s who beat the odds and reached “The American Dream”. George Jefferson’s dry-cleaning chain had become so successful that he was able to move his wife "Weezy” (Louise) and their son from Queens to a penthouse in Manhattan. And as the song tells us, they took all of their blackness with them; fried fish, beans, and their piece of the pie thanks to a “whole lotta tuh-rying”. All of this not even a decade post-Jim Crow. Racial tension was so high in the show that the White and Black characters were still calling each other Negroes and Honkys.

Honorable Mention:

May have went too far: Cita’s World (1999-2003)

“‘Cause I’m a strong black woman!”

— Cita

Did Cita’s World play into harmful stereotypical tropes about Black women? Absolutely, she is yelling “Cause I’m a strong black woman!” while thrusting her hips and smacking her lips. But, to the shows credit, the BET video music show was the first program to feature a virtual reality Black host. So in that way it broke boundaries and should be included in the litany of Black history facts we tell kids for 28 days out of a year.

The Most Non-Black Black TV Theme Song: Family Matters (1989-1999)

“Well then there must be some magic clue inside these gentle walls
”

— "As Days Go By", Jesse Frederick

Family Matters is the Black Full House. The same way the music of Creed, Nickleback and 3 Doors Down are indistinguishable from one another, if I close my eyes and listen to “As Days Go By” and “Everywhere You Look” I could not tell you which one is for Michelle Turner and which one if for Steve Urkel. Turns out, Jesse Frederick wrote and preformed the theme music for both TV shows.

Nothing about “As Days Go By” makes you think of a Black middle-class family in Chicago. The second that old-time saloon piano plays, and Frederick’s rough cigarette tinged ‘80s soft-rock ballad voice belts out “cause all I see is a tower of dreams, real love burstin' out of every seam”, I mentally check-out.

Also, we see the grandmother sitting outside on a rocking bench reading a copy of Rolling Stone with U2 on the cover, and I have a hard time believing this. Grandma “Mother” Winslow would have definitely been reading a copy of Ebony with Luther Vandross or Anita Baker gracing the cover while smiling looking at a Colt 45 Billy Dee Williams advertisement.

Bonus: All That ft. TLC (Tek.Lun Remix)

“Now this is just an introduction before we blow your mind
The show is All of That and yes we do it all the time”

— Left Eye

Nickelodeon was so popular in the ‘90s, the network got TLC to sing the theme music for teen variety show All That. I found this remix by Baltimore producer Tek.Lun a few years ago and it has become one of my favorite songs ever since. The saxophone filled jazz instrumental and heavy 808 drums gives the already great song a creative rework. Enjoy

My 10 Favorite Black Phrases

“We die. That may be the meaning of life. But we do language. That may be the measure of our lives.”

— Toni Morrison

For marginalized groups, language is more than a method of communicating thoughts and ideas. Language functions as a tool to define and express for ourselves who we are; rather than our existence being contingent on the thoughts and assumptions of the majority or "default" group.

“If I didn’t define myself for myself, I would be crunched into other people’s fantasies for me and eaten alive.”

— Audre Lorde

For Black Americans in particular, our heritage and native tongue were taken during the transatlantic slave trade. And by the time of post-Reconstruction, through means of systematic oppression, community disinvestment, unequal access to public infrastructure, and political disenfranchisement, we’d been pushed to live in the margins. Yet amid all this, Black America found a way to create a culture so distinct that it has influenced the world. One of those cultural distinctions is our language.

America is highly segregated and there are swathes of people uneducated to vernacular not like theirs. People with this lack of exposure to anything considered different, are quick to proclaim another person's speech improper or incorrect. I challenge these people to ask themselves, “who exactly owns language and who has the power to assign normative ideals to other forms of expression?” Language evolves, grows and is malleable depending on the space one occupies. And in many cases, being able to fluidly change one’s speech is a form of survival.

“‘When I use a word,’ Humpty Dumpty said, in rather a scornful tone, ‘it means just what I choose it to mean- neither more nor less.’

’The question is,’ said Alice, ‘whether you can make words mean so many different things.’

’The question is,’ said Humpty Dumpty, ‘which is to be master-that’s all.’”

— Lewis Carrol, Through the Looking Glass

Tri-tongued orator, Jamila Lyiscott gives a powerful 4 minute spoken word TED Talk on what it means to be "articulate". As she says, "even articulate Americans sound foolish to the British".

So before reading these ten very black phrases and thinking "this isn't proper language", learn to respect the different spaces that exist in this country and understand that culture, heritage, and humor are ever-changing; and for many people language is a way to celebrate their unique identity in a country that has ostracized them for being different.

1) Do I look like Boo-Boo The Fool?

You know when someone makes a mistake and then lies to you about it, but the lie is so bad that you're actually more offended by the terrible lie than the actual misdeed itself? That's where the phrase "Do I look like Boo-Boo The Fool?" comes from.

The brilliance of black parents is that they can make you feel stupid with a few words and a glare. Forget corporal punishment, although they are good at that too. Black parents will read you to the heavens and make you reevaluate your entire life. For example, let's say a kid comes home past their curfew and the parent asks the child why they are late. Instead of accepting the repercussions or come up with a believable excuse, the kid answers with, "See, what had happened was my phone restarted and changed my clock so I thought it was 10 p.m., instead of midnight. I called the house phone, but it rang busy and I forgot your cell phone number. So I then tried to email you, but the message didn't send". The parent will promptly respond with "Do I look like Boo-Boo The Fool?". Meaning, do I like like a simpleton? Do I look that dumb? Oh, so you think I am stupid? At this point, the adolescent in question is thinking to themselves 1) "Who the heck is boo-boo the fool?" and 2) "I don't know? Maybe you do look like boo-boo the fool". But saying, "no, you do not look like Boo-Boo The Fool" is worse than a wrong answer, because duh, the question is rhetorical. And if you don't understand that the question is rhetorical, you will piss your parent off even more because they will further question your processing skills.

2) I'm not one of you little friends.

Another staple for black parents. This statement will be affirmed to you with a swiftness when you seem to forget who exactly you are speaking to. Scenario: your parent storms into your room unannounced, without knocking, because why would they knock in their own house? They then give you an order such as, "take out the trash", without a single care for what you're currently doing, because why would they adhere to your schedule? You respond in a way that's logical to you, "Okay I'll do it when I'm done...". Before you finish the last word, you already know you messed up and wish you could start that sentence over. At this point, your mom is slowly turning her neck around like that scene in the exorcist. "Excuse me?", she asks. You are too scared to repeat yourself. After a mouthful of expletives and reminders that you live in her house and are lucky to be there, she will finish it off with "I don't know who you think you are taking to, because I am not one of your little friends".

I'm not one of your little friends is one of the most dismissive phrases someone can use. It draws a line saying "no matter how much I love you, this relationship ain't equal". Your parent couldn't care less how you and your friends converse with one another. When you're speaking to them, you speak with respect. Also, your parent calling your friends "little" is not in regard to stature, they could all be over six feet tall. In this case, "little" means your friends are not on your parent's level, caliber, importance; which is why you will not speak to them any type of way. Again, black parents are masters at humbling you.

3) Whose mans is this?

These are words you do not want to hear If you're out at a function enjoying yourself. As soon as this phrase is said, you immediately stop what you're doing and head over to see what happened. And on the way you are praying that the person in question is not a friend or acquaintance of yours. Why? Because "Whose Mans Is This" is only said when someone did something so wild and outlandish, the rest of the party needs to know where this person came from and who brought them, because it is time for them to go.

"Whose Mans" is the first thing asked on Black Twitter when one of our own celebrities is "doing too much". Although we may not know these celebrities personally, we feel a kinship seeing that they represent the culture at large. So it really hurts when a celebrity does something that embarrasses us. As much as I love Kanye, I've unfortunately had to use "Whose mans is this?" in reference to him way too many times over the past few years. One of the most recent times is when he dyed his hair several colors trying to look like a rainbow sherbet push-pop. I was so appalled and hurt that I had to ask this dreadful question, because at the moment he definitely was not my mans.

4) One monkey don't stop no show.

"One monkey don't stop no show" is pretty straight forward. It's the black version of "the show must go on". In the middle of your hustle and striving, no person or circumstance will impede your progress or keep you  from keepin' on (bonus black phrase).

5) Just tryna make a dollar out of fifteen cents.

An ode to the black entrepreneurship spirit over the years. Black people built this country for free and were the backbone of the economy during slavery. America has flourished on the backs of black people; our labor, services, and ingenuity. And when slavery ended, we didn't even receive the 40 acres or mule we were promised. I have yet to see a reparation check for the work my ancestors did. Today, our communities and schools are severely under-resourced, widening the achievement gap and hindering many Black Americans chances at getting a good job. Furthermore, America is a "good ole' boys club", so even if a black person has the same education level and experience as a white man, they will be grossly underpaid. So, no matter what rung of the socioeconomic ladder you fall under, this mentality of trying to make whatever you get stretch to something much more, remains.

6) Let me call you back when I get in this house and get settled.

9 out of every 10 black women has weekly phone calls so long that it takes up your drive from Santa Monica to Pasadena. For non, Los Angeles residents, that's the same time it would take you to commute from New York City to Philadelphia on the train.

Once they've talked to the point of physical exhaustion, this is how the phone call ends, “Alright girl, well I just got home. Let me call you back when I get in this house and get settled”. The person on the other line usually says “Okay girl that’s fine, call me back”. Both parties know that there won't be another phone call. That was their farewell. I don’t know why Black people just can’t say "I have to go, good talking to you, bye". I guess we don’t want to make the other person feel like we're no longer interested in their conversation. I've heard every nonsensical reason to get off the phone, many I have used: "Girl, I just opened this grape juice, let me call you right back. “Girl, this wind is blowing at my door too hard, I’m gonna have to call you right back. “Hold on the microwave is on in the kitchen and I’m in the bathroom, I’ll call you back

7) God knows my heart.

God knows my heart is code for “Yes, I know my actions are wrong but God knows that deep down inside I want to do good; just way way deep”. Once someone has said “God knows my heart”,  just know they’ve already made up in their mind that they are A) Currently sinning B) About to sin C) Premeditating a future sin D) Justifying a past sin or E) All of the above.

I know God is tired of us co-signing his name on our mess. But that is exactly what grace and mercy are for. Yes, lawd.

8) I know my car.

Friend: “You should probably pull over and get gas, you’re on E”
Me: "I know my car"
Black people wait until the last possible moment to fill up their gas tank. Two of my favorite early 2000s rap songs document this refusal to keep ones gas tank full no matter how much money you have.

“I pull up at the club VIP
Gas tank on E
But all drinks on me (wipe me down)”

— Foxx, Wipe Me Down

“Got a quarter tank of gas
in my new E class
But that’s alright,
cause I’m gon’ ride”

— Mannie Fresh, Still Fly

“Whip ain’t got no gas tank but it still got wood grain”

— Frank Ocean, Pyramids

Constantly filling up your gas tank feels like a waste of an expense. If I spend $40 plus dollars, I want something to show for it.  So out of defiance, I wait until that little fuel gauge is right below the empty line, and then I’m going use the 15 miles of gas in the reserve tank. And if worse comes to worse and I run out of gas(which I have, right where the I-10W & 405 meet in West LA, aka Hell on Earth), I have roadside assistance.  

The other reason black people love saying this phrase is out of pure pettiness. There are few things more annoying than a passenger peering at my dashboard giving me unsolicited advice. Because that same person riding in your car typically offers zero to marginally small contributions towards the gas tank they're commenting on. You can’t tell me how to live my life if you aren’t going to contribute to my success.

This is a perfect time to mention another black phrase, “I got five on it”. Putting five dollars on gas was suitable in the 90’s when goods and services cost less, the economy was booming, and our wages weren’t stagnant. But this is 2017, five dollars can’t get you a bottle of water at a sporting event. So if you offer me five dollars as if that’s going to entice me to drive you a far distance, I’m going to look at you just like this:

Five dollars isn’t even worth me turning my car on and off, let alone driving more than 2 miles. What I will do in that moment is text you a link to your local bus schedule, suggest you invest in a bike, or if I’m feeling really generous, send you a Lyft PromoCode.

9) See, this right here is what we not finna do/ You've got the wrong one.

"See, this right here is what we not finna do" means just what it sounds like it means, "this conversation, this situation, is not going to happen". This occurs when someone feels too comfortable with you and has taken your demeanor as an indicator that anything can be said or done. Perhaps they are used to conversing with people who allow this type of behavior. Whatever the case may be, at this point you are left with no other option but to let them know you are not that same person; that you are in fact the wrong one.

Flashback to summer 2017 at the BET Awards, when Joe Budden, who the internet has deemed as the hater of all things fun, interviewed Atlanta's young, fly, and flashy trio, The Migos. The Migos, make catchy club records like "Bad and Boujee". They even teamed up with Jimmy Fallon and The Roots to turn their hit song into into a jingle using only office supplies. Joe Budden finds this type of hip-hop trivial and juvenile. Mid-interview he clearly has had enough. He proceeds to stand and proclaim "we gotta wrap this up" while tossing his microphone and walking off set (bad pun). The Migos quickly follow suit, echo some expletives reminding Mr. Budden where they come from and that their background is a lot tougher than the red carpets they now walk on. These series of gifs are the epitome of "See, this right here is what we not finna do":

10) You ain't neva lied.

Black people are great "hype-men" for one another. We believe in call and response, highly interactive communication styles. Just like we do in church service, we verbally affirm what the other is saying when pure truth is being handed out. For example, when I speak to a friend and say "Man, 2017 was one of the most disrespectful years of all time", they will prompltly respond with, "You ain't neva lied".

Beyoncé of black phrases) Do you have McDonald's money?

Do you have McDonald's money is the first-ballot Hall of Fame, Stephen Curry unanimous MVP, GOAT, Michael Jordan of black phrases. Where do I even start with this one? This phrase deserves a whole post alone. Black parents rarely acquiesce to the non-life sustaining requests of their children. Every time we ask for something, we’re putting ourselves at risk. Growing up in a black household, nothing is really “yours”; your parents are simply kind enough to let you temporarily and carefully use something. Anything that is not required shelter, food, clothes, or school supplies is extra and they remind you of it at every moment.

So when asking for a childhood luxury such as McDonalds, knowing good and well your parents went out of their way to buy weekly groceries to cook for your ungrateful self, they are going to ask you one simple question to determine if you can in fact have McDonalds: “Do you have McDonalds money?” From the tone in their voice to the look on their face, the question is extremely condescending.

Of course you don't have McDonald's money, you could be as young as young as five or six years old. You don't have a job and you probably don’t have an allowance because why would your parents pay you to do what you’re supposed to do while living their household. Yet, this is exactly why you cleaned the whole house, massaged your moms back, told her you loved her and put a smile on your face before quietly entering her room to ask for a Happy Meal.

After she swats your shot like Dikembe Mutombo, you're left looking like Eddie Murphy in "Raw".

The legacy of "Do you have McDonalds money?" is so strong that it has now become the go-to response for any requests that requires your money. For example, us millennials aren't having enough kids to keep the Unites States population at its "replacement level". And the tone in this question is without regard to our egregious student loans, deflated wages, high rent, as if it's purely by choice. So next time millennials are asked why we aren't having kids, we are going to respond with this simple question, "Do you have 'population replacement level' money?".