The Drip Within the Game: Hall of Fame Athlete Accessories

Sports is one of society’s last great equalizers. Whether it’s a team sport like soccer or solo competititon like golf, opponents are subject to the same rules of game play. An athlete’s performance wear is no exception. Team uniforms are identical. And individual attire is subject to strict guidelines with everything from color, cut, length, and logo being regulated.

We see this most rigorously applied to no one else more than Serena Williams. Her banned “cat suit” at the 2018 French Open caused controversy among the tournament heads who called it “disrespectful”.

This rigidity of leagues and associations is the result of tending to their primary concern, profitability. Administrative bodies maximize their bottom line by catering to the mainstream audience with as little stir as possible. What suffers in the process are athletes means of self-expression.

Thankfully, throughout the history of sports professionals have found creative ways to model their personal style within the tight margins of the rule books. Apart from gratification, why is this self-pronouncement so important? Exposure. With the increase of billion dollar TV deals, social media platforms that cross the globe, and corporate partnerships, all eyes are on these larger-than-life giants at all times. The financial possibilities are endless. The most watchable athletes get the endorsements, entertainment opportunities, brand cachet, even the celebrity partner.

There’s also the ego part. Since children, athletes have measured themselves against their peers by every conceivable benchmark. Appearance is no different. When trying to gain an advantage, every aspect matters. Sport pundits call this the “game within the game”. Referring to factors not quantified on a scoreboard, the game within the game could be trash talking an opponent to get into their head, visualization, picking imaginary fights with fans in the crowd like Michael Jordan did, anything that effects the psyche of a player. A player’s “drip”, which is defined as one’s personal swagger, counts as another.

Popular Atlanta rapper Gunna, whose first five projects were titled Drip Season, Drip Season 2, Drip Season 3, Drip Harder, and Drip or Drown 2, explained the meaning of rap’s most used word in 2018:

"Drip is your attire, the clothes you wear. My drip today man, I got on a Saint Laurent hoodie, some Balmain’s and some Chanel shoes because it’s Friday. I drip every day, all week, but weekends I’m really putting that sh*t on. I might wear a $10,000 outfit on a weekend, no cap.”

Rapper Gunna on the cover of his album Drip or Drown 2

The jewelry, accessories, the coordinating pieces, these symbols of originality are what truly cement an athlete into legendary status.

Here is the Drip Within the Game Hall of Fame list: the best overstatements worn by sporting greats who understand that you can’t always control how well you perform, but you can always control how good you look.

1) Florence Griffith Joyner AKA “Flo-Jo”

Flo-Jo is considered the fastest woman of all time. Running the 400 meters, 800 meters, as well as the 4x100 and 4x400 meter relays in the 1988 Olympics, Joyner took home five medals; three gold, two silver. Physically, Flo-Jo was a one of a kind marvel who set and broke her own world records numerous times.

Suffering a tonic-clonic seizure in 1999, Florence’s untimely death at the age of 38 rocked the world. At the time, my step-father worked as a mortician at the historically black Angeles Funeral Home, located in the Crenshaw district of Los Angeles, where Florence’s funeral was held. I remember him telling me the stories of people’s reactions to losing one of their own and the impact she had on her entire community.

Outside of her running success, when people think of Flo-Jo, what comes to mind are the bold looks she pulled off on the track. Full body tracksuits exposing a single leg, hooded track suits, bright, bold, colorful patterns, nails so long they curled over. Florence commanded attention. This Black girl from South Central’s Jordan Downs housing project had no problem showing the world that a female athlete can be flashy, fashionable, and dominant.

You know someone is a style icon when Beyoncé dresses up as them for Halloween.

2) Deion “Prime Time” Sanders

Deion had Trinidad James “All Gold Everything” moments on and off the field and in two professional sports.

Deion’s flagrant style was on full display before he even signed a professional contract. Skipping the NFL draft, Deion received the call from the Atlanta Falcons that they were selecting him 5th overall on his agent’s sofa in Winnetka, Il. Instead of putting on a stuffy suit like he would have had to do if he chose to attend the Draft, Deion dressed in a black, white and yellow nylon tracksuit. You know, the kind that makes the audible “swishy” sound as you walk. Deion’s casual getup was accompanied by black and gold retro squared sunglasses, an indeterminate amount of gold chains, four gold bracelets, a money sign earring, and two-finger gold plated rings on each hand. This was Deion’s introduction to the world as the king of drip.

A month after being drafted by the National Football League, Deion made his Major League Baseball debut for the New York Yankees.

Although the percentage of Black baseball players in the MLB was much higher in 1989 at 16.5% versus today’s 7.7%, their audience was still the suburbs of America. So you can imagine how much Deion and his jheri curl stood out. He was young, fly, flashy, and fast. Between his athletic gifts and his closet, Deion was must watch TV giving him the name “Prime Time”.

3) Allen Iverson

No one influenced early 2000’s NBA culture more than Allen Iverson. His pre-game outfits led the late David Stern, the NBA’s commissioner at the time, to implement the racially-tinged “Dress Code”.

via Ballislife.com

On the court, Iverson sported a combination of the headband, wristband, calf band, finger sleeve, shooting sleeve, and leg sleeve all at once. Iverson essentially wore an entire Footlocker for each game.

When I think of Iverson’s career, five particular moments come to mind. The first is Iverson’s shimmy and shake on Michael Jordan his rookie year. The classic, “your idols become your rivals, you make friends with Mike, but gotta A.I. him for your survival” moment. Thank you Drake for that forever important line. Second, Iverson disrespectfully stomping over Tyronn Lue, yes, former championship winning coach of the Cleveland Cavaliers and LeBron James whisperer, Ty Lue, after knocking down a through-the-leg step back fade-away during overtime of game 1’s 2001 NBA Finals. Third, AI’s misunderstood practice rant which came days after the murder trial for the man accused of killing Iverson’s best friend, Rahsaan Langeford, just seven months earlier. This life-altering tragedy deeply affected Iverson throughout the season as he struggled to cope with the loss. Fourth, Iverson’s mother braiding his hair in the middle of a game. Five, A.I.’s 1999 Slam magazine cover.

4) Ken Griffey Jr.

Baseball and the MLB aren’t known for being avant-garde in much of anything. The game resisted instant replay or any type of technology to improve its accuracy until 2014. And the long storied New York Yankees franchise still requires that all of their players be clean shaven just as the original owner George Steinbrenner did back in 1973 when he implemented their facial hair policy. Baseball values tradition and doing things “a certain way”.

So in 1989, when a young, Black, talented twenty-year-old Ken Griffey Jr. AKA “The Kid”, came into the majors confidently wearing a backwards cap and stud earrings, some of the league’s old guard expressed their discontent. In Jay Caspian King’s phenomenal New York Times piece “The Unbearable Whiteness of Baseball”, he writes how Griffey was, “in a long line of coded racial arguments, minor battles between two types: the “standard” white player and his nonwhite foil”. Former Yankees manager Buck Showalter said Griffey’s backwards hat and untucked shirttail showed a “lack of respect for the game”. Meanwhile, the backwards cap made him one of the only MLB players I knew by name. I even bought Major League Baseball Featuring Ken Griffey Jr. for my Nintendo 64 because Ken Griffey’s very essence and identity was something I gravitated and related to.

As a young child, I didn’t realize that I was already conveying resentment over the constant politicizing and policing of the Black Athlete.

For me, the backwards cap was more than a style choice. It was a small act of freedom. I cheered louder every time a Buck Showalter felt the need to give their opinion on Griffey’s presentation. Today, my sentiment remains the same. As King eloquently puts it, “by instinct, honed reflex and general contrarianism, I root for all “flashy” “showboats” who are “disgraces to the game.”

5) Serena Williams

Brand ambassador for the luxury Swiss watch manufacturer, Audemars Piguet, Serena Williams’ exclusive timepiece collection has been well documented. And at 2019’s Wimbledon, the 23-time Grand Slam winner didn’t disappoint with her Audemars Royal Oak Offshore Selfwinding Chronograph.

Wearing more jewelry than Kate Middleton who was in attendance, Serena’s ensemble featured a V-shape jewel set diamond ring custom made to hold her massive engagement ring, a diamond heart-shaped pendant choker, diamond earrings, a bracelet, and 34 Swarovski crystals embedded in her top’s Nike swoosh. I can’t wash dishes if a hair tie is hanging from my wrist, yet Serena can serve a tennis ball at 135 mph with an arm full of bling. That is why she is the G.O.A.T.

“Got a broken clock
Rollies that don’t tick-tock
Audemars that’s losing time
Hidden behind all these big rocks”

— Jay Z, N****s in Paris

“Yeah, I got an Audemar, I ain’t set the time once and I know they say they shine, I ain’t seen ‘em shine once”

— Nicki Minaj, "Senile"

6) Michael Johnson

One of the greatest sprinters of all-time, Michael Johnson won 16 gold medals throughout his illustrious track career and still holds several of the top sprinting times in the 400, 200, and 100 meters. Johnson did all of this while looking like the fifth member of Boyz II Men. Apparently, Johnson was sprinting from the track straight to the club in his watch, necklace, and earring.

7) Barry Bonds

Once again, Black people and Baseball. Barry Bonds isn’t that well liked in the baseball world because of his involvement with steroids during the inflated home-run era of the 90’s and early 00s.

Bond’s body went from skinny ‘90s Busta Rhymes to beefed up ‘00s Busta Rhymes.

Considering the fact that steroid use in this era was closer to the norm rather an outlier with just Bonds, MLB owes Barry Bonds acknowledgement for being the best hitter baseball has ever seen and needs to give him his well-earned due.

Outside of his bulked physique, there’s another look Bonds is known for-his dangling cross earring that he wore throughout his 21 year career.

Odell Beckham and every hype beast today owe Barry a big thank you for making this look popular.

Barry may not be in baseball’s Hall of Fame, but he’s definitely in instagram’s lookbook hall of fame.

8) Tim Thomas’ Double Headband

I don’t know what’s more ridiculous, the fact that Tim Thomas wore double headbands in an NBA game or that I too copied this look in an AAU practice after seeing him and Nelly flaunt it.

To the relief of many, this did not become a trend.

Tim Thomas being the sole NBA player to wear the double headband solidifies it as a hall of fame accessory moment. Sometimes the world is simply not ready for your genius.

7) Michael Jordan’s Calf Sleeve

We all wanted to be like Mike. If that meant suffering from shin splints so severe that we needed to wear a calf band, then so be it. Some say Jordan started wearing the calf sleeve to alleviate his shin pain, others believe it was for fashion. Either way it looked incredible.

Ingenious enough, Jordan invented the modern day calf band. All Jordan did was take a knee sleeve, slide it down a few inches, and fold it at the top to hide the company logo. The red inside just happened to match his Bulls jersey.

Of course Kobe Bryant, MJ’s carbon copy, had to rock the calf sleeve just like his idol.

9) Marshawn Lynch’s Gold Fronts

Marshawn Lynch is Oakland culture personified.

10) The Most Expensive Drip: Odell Beckham’s Richard Millie

“I just... what?
I just put a Richard on the card
I ain’t grow up playin’ ball”

— Drake, "Going Bad"

“Richard Mille cost a Lambo (That’s a Lambo)
Known to keep the baddest [women] on commando (Salute)”

— Meek Mill, "Going Bad"

Do you know how rich you have to be to wear a house on your wrist while running through tackles, dirt and Gatorade showers? I have never felt as economically average as I did when I saw Odell wearing a $350,000 RM 11-03 McLaren Flyback Chronograph in the Cleveland Browns’ opening game against the Tennessee Titans. Considering the Browns haven’t made the playoffs in 18 years, Odell’s timepiece is the only reason I paid any attention to this game.

Unintentional Drip: The Baggy T-shirt Under the Jersey

I don’t know when this stopped being a thing. It wouldn’t surprise me if the NCAA legislated the baggy t-shirt out of the game the same way they legislate most fun out of these children’s lives. What made the baggy t-shirt under the jersey equally stylish and humorous was the fact that it was often worn by the slimmest player on the team.

Creative Drip: Terrell Owens’ Sharpie

In the prime of his career, Terrell Owens was the NFL’s loudest talker. He more than backed it up on the field accumulating 15,934 receiving yards over his 16-year career, making Jerry Rice the only person with more yards. The 6-time Pro-Bowler also caught 153 touchdowns, good for 3rd all-time, and is the only player to score a touchdown against every NFL team. If he didn’t piss so many people off with his mouth his resume would have guaranteed him a first ballot hall of fame entry.

On October 14th 2002, in a nationally televised Monday Night Football game, Terrell Owens caught a 37-yard touchdown pass to put his 49ers up one and win the game. The best part of the play was the celebration. Instead of breaking out a generic dance move or slapping his chest, T.O. shocked viewers by pulling a Sharpie pen out of his sock. T.O. then proceeded to sign the football and walk the instant piece of memorabilia over to a fan, creating a classic NFL moment. Showmanship at its finest. I would have voted Owens into the football Hall of Fame for this theatrical act alone.

Step 1: Catch and run the football into the end zone

Step 2: Pull the Sharpie out of your sock and sign the football

Step 3: Be a nice guy and toss the football to a lucky fan

Honorable Mention: LaDainian Tomlinson’s Dark Visor

For someone whose skill set is predicated on vision, I don’t understand how LaDainian Tomlinson saw much of anything out of his visor; which makes the rushing numbers from the league’s former MVP that much more impressive. Back when the NFL actually valued running backs, Tomlinson ran for 13,684 yards and 145 touchdowns, placing him top 5 in both statistical categories.

LaDainian Tomlinson was rightly inducted into the Pro Football Hall of Fame in 2017.

Most Economical: Caron Butler’s Straws

Caron Butler will forever be a part of the unlikely Dallas Mavericks team that spoiled the “not 1, not 2, not 3, not 4…” championship celebration for LeBron James’ Miami super team in 2011. Another unlikely fact is that throughout Caron’s 12 year career, he had what some would call a “strange” must-have accessory for every game. Straws. Caron would chew on straws during the course of a game as a means to relax. Every single game. And not just any straw, McDonald’s straws specifically.

In this three minute video, Caron not only explains why McDonald’s straws are superior, he shows off his impressive ability to distinguish a McDonald’s McStraw from 15 different competitors in a “blind chew test”.

With Caron having played in almost 1,000 career NBA games, McDonald’s definitely missed out on a prime partnership.

Which all-time great athlete accessory deserved to be on the list? Please comment below with some of your favorites.

12 Hip-Hop Quotes as Motivational Posters

Hip-hop is a poetic art form. The stories hip-hop artists’ paint are uniquely creative, rugged and often times autobiographical. What has propelled hip-hop to its current all time high level of popularity over a short 30 years is the genre’s ability to directly and intimately relate to people. The best rappers are vulnerable, soul bearing and stylish in the way they express their feelings. My favorite rap songs have gotten me through some trying days subtly offering me wisdom. So instead of cloying Hallmark cards (The Mahogany Collection is wild), generic canvas art courtesy of Target’s dorm collection, or posters made for Christian book stores, I made a dozen inspirational rap posters for you to enjoy. Many of these lyrics I quote on a daily basis driving my friends mad. Life throws challenges our way and sometimes we need fun little pick me ups reminding us that we are still in fact the dopest person ever and that losses don’t last forever. Much love, keep your head up.

1) “Fo’ fo’s I'm tippin'/ wood grain I'm gripping
catch me lane switching with the paint dripping/ turn your neck and your dame missing” -Mike Jones, “Still Tippin’”

Translation: I’m cruising in my 1984 Cadillac equipped with the most luxurious amenities; 30 spoke wire rims and the finest wood grain steering wheel. If you are lucky, you will see me and my car parlaying in and out of lanes with a paint job so fresh that it’s still wet and may even drip a bit. Oh, and I’m so charming that if you turn your head for the slightest second, fixing your gaze elsewhere, your partner will be gone in an instant as they have decided to come with me instead.

Even if you don’t have a car this line give you the confidence to attack your day with vigor and a bit of Houston cool. It’s not what you do, but how you do it. So go out there and stunt in whatever capacity available to you and let people know you are that person.

2) “Flaws ain’t flaws when it’s you that makes the call” -Pusha T, “So Appalled”

Translation: When you are in charge, performing the hard labor and making the tough decisions, your shortcomings aren’t weaknesses.

Be the Beyoncé of your life. When Beyoncé had a slip at the Super Bowl, she recovered so nimbly that it actually made you admire her even more.

You are the boss of your life, micromanaging your daily duties and taking full responsibility of what you do. Flaws aren’t deficiencies but rather small obstacles you simply maneuver through.

3) “I trip to make the fall shorter” -Chance The Rapper, “Acid Rain”

Translation: I give myself permission to make mistakes that will ground and prepare me for life’s inevitable lows and valleys.

As Yeats says in his poem “The Second Coming”, “Things fall apart; the centre cannot hold”. It’s not a matter of if you fall, but when you fall. In fact, the longer you delay the inevitable forces of gravity, the harder the fall will be. Strive to do your best, let go, and know that it’s okay to stumble along the way. This is where you experience the most growth and learn prime lessons.

4) “Neva let me slip, ‘cause if I slip then I’m slippin” - Dr. Dre, “Nuthing But a “G” Thang”

Translation: Please don’t let me slip, because if I slip in this one particular area of my life, then I’m slipping in all other areas.

Accountability to oneself and others is a key to success. Dr. Dre is asking his comrade, probably Snoop Dog, to not let him slip up because logical fallacy states that if we allow error A to happen then error Z will eventually happen, so avoid error A. It’s a good daily reminder to put quality into everything we do in order to avoid continuous carelessness.

5) “Girl recognize game, before game recognize you - Chingy, “One Call Away”

Translation: Girl, don’t get played. People with ill intentions looking to scheme and plot will have their sights set on you from a mile away, so spot them first; head on a swivel at all times.

Art of War by Sun Tzu says, “If you know yourself but not the enemy, for every victory gained you will also suffer a defeat. If you know neither the enemy nor yourself, you will succumb in every battle”. I’m certain this is what Chingy was talking about.

6) “I’ll be there in 5 minutes/5 hours later, ‘I’ll be there in 5 minutes’” - Kanye West, “Late”

Translation: I said what I said. I will be there once I get there.

We are constantly acquiescing to the needs of everyone besides ourselves. It is not possible or healthy to try and fulfill everybody’s desires at their demanding pace. There is nothing wrong with slowing down, taking our time, and arriving when we feel good and ready. Ownership of our time, body and energy is imperative to our total well-being.

7) “So, now, I’m back spittin’ that heat, could pass a polygraph” - Jay Electronica, “Exhibit C”

Translation: The words coming from my mouth are such truth that I would pass any lie detector test.

In hip-hop, it’s all about credibility and keeping it real. If Twitter finds out you’ve been lying about where you come from or what you’ve done, your career could be ruined. Jay Electronica, being the wordsmith that he is (we’re still waiting on that album), found one of the most creative ways to tell us how honest he keeps it. What’s even savvier is when you play the song the line works as a double entendre as it sounds like he is also saying “so now I’m back spittin’ that ‘he could pass a polygraph’”.

Like Jay Electronica, your word should be bond. Whether people like what you have to say or not, always tell the truth.

8) “I never let a statue tell me how nice I am” - Phife Dawg, “Award Tour”

Translation: Never will I allow an engineered award voted by people I do not know nor who know me define who I am, assign my worth, or label my talent or work ethnic. I will not give subjective benchmarks of public opinion the authority to declare if me or my art matters.

First and foremost, Rest in Peace Malik “Phife Dawg” Taylor, part of the legendary hip-hop group A Tribe Called Quest. We miss you.

Too many times we place our value in external affirmations. We lose sight of refining and enjoying our craft for the craft’s sake and forget that we are important no matter what other people say or do not say about us. If you know you are great, that’s all that matters. No dollar amount, sheet of paper, or award will ever encompass our fullness.

9) “My future so bright I’d probably go blind before I blink twice, I ain’t lying” - Kendrick Lamar, “The Heart Pt. 2”

Translation: My future is so incredibly bright that if you look at it, it can blind you.

Sometimes your own future will inspire you.

10) “Spaceships/don’t come equipped/with rear view mirrors/ they dip/as quick as they can” - Andre 3000, “Int’l Players Anthem (I Choose You)”

Translation: Entities with the potential to travel so far that they break atmospheres don’t come with rear view mirrors. With that type of trajectory, you’ll be moving so quickly that you won’t have the time to look back.

In the poem, “Our Deepest Fear”, Marianne Williamson writes that, “Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.” We often hinder our own progress; lamenting our past, intimated by our future. We spend too much time looking back, rather than letting our journey take us to heights we didn’t imagine for ourselves. Williamson continues on saying “your playing small does not serve the world.” We are supposed to squeeze every ounce of purpose embedded in each of us. And Andre 3000’s spaceship analogy says it best. Nothing with such great power has time to look back when what is ahead is so vital.

11) “I’m not sayin’ I’m number one/Uhh I’m sorry I lied, I’m number one, two, three, four, and five!” - KRS-One, “Step Into a World”

Translation: I apologize if you thought I was being humble when I said I’m not number one. What I meant was that I am not exclusively number one, but that I am in fact number one, two, three, four, and five.

Instead of choice a, it was choice e, all of the above. Self promotion is good. You have to believe you are the best option in order for other people to believe it as well. Next time you ask for a raise, which should be every year, just quote this line when explaining to your boss why you deserve a salary increase.

12) “Stay far from timid/only make moves when your heart’s in it/and live the phrase ‘Sky’s The Limit’” - The Notorious B.I.G., “Sky’s The Limit”

Translation: Keep nervous, fearful, wavering energy far away from you. Instead, passionately pursue that which burns inside you. There is no ceiling on what you can accomplish.

People will tell you what you can and can’t do, that your dreams are crazy. You will face rejection, doubt will creep in, but if you stay focused and work in a way that blocks out the noise and distraction, your path is boundless.

Nonsensical Rap Lyrics Pt. 1

I love rap. I love the gaudy lifestyles rappers tell us they live; the propensity to "stunt". I love the way rappers adopt larger than life personas to support their fantasies. Rarely do I criticize artists for painting pictures that serve as an escape just like any other art form. However, there are times lyrics are so ridiculous and comical, you have to rewind the song to make sure you heard them properly.

Me listening to some of these rap songs

I complied a list of some of my favorite impossible and impractical rap lyrics.

"Shake Ya Tailfeather"- Nelly, P.Diddy, Murphy Lee

“Is that ya ass or ya momma half-reindeer?”

— Nelly

Disclaimer, I'm not ignoring the misogyny, crudeness, and objectification of the female body, just pushing it to the side for the sake of this current topic. It's summer 2003, Bad Boys II starring Will Smith and Martin Lawrence just came out and "Shake Ya Tailfeather" is the lead single for the movie's soundtrack. Diddy is going by his second moniker after Puff Daddy, and Nelly just shed his trademark cheekbone band-aid.

The first question Nelly asks this woman, "is that ya ass?" is rhetorical. Nelly is making way for his punch line because of course the backside is hers, who else's could it be? The second question, "Is your momma half-reindeer?" is the outstanding one. A reindeer booty, an old metaphor for a woman with a large derriere. Very funny, Nelly. Besides the fact that the question is silly, it's not possible for a reindeer and human to conceive and create a half-reindeer child; and then pass those genetics on to this young lady making her a quarter reindeer. Additionally, what type of response did Nelly want from this woman. Was she just supposed to smile and say "no, Nelly, my momma isn't half-reindeer".

"A Bay Bay"-Hurricane Chris

“Now when I holla ‘A Bay Bay’, I’m finna get my groove on. It’s so hot up in this club that I ain’t got no shoes on”

— Hurricane Chris

I don't know who or what we're hollering 'A Bay Bay' at, but I do know this song turns up at the function. The clap along beat and children echoing the chorus is super catchy. And as soon as the song starts and Hurricane begins his verse, he's "in his bag " as the kids say. Stepping into the club feeling on top of the world, nobody can tell Chris anything. With the club filled to capacity, the temperature is too high for Hurricane. So he does what any one would do, he takes his shoes off.

Coming from Louisiana and it being 2007, Hurricane Chris was definitely wearing a brightly colored pair of Air Force 1's, ankle-lengthened jean shorts and a XXL ProClub Tall T. And I'm having a hard time believing Chris would jeopardize his fresh just to cool down. Also, what about the socks? Are those coming off too? Once off, did he put his socks and shoes next to the bottles in VIP? Did he put them under a sofa? Or maybe behind the DJ booth? This sounds like a Dr. Seuss nursery rhyme.

Paramount to the safety of Hurricane Chris's shoes is the safety of his feet. He could step on broken glass, get stabbed by a high heel, or slip on a wet spot. Not to mention getting blisters from dancing too hard. Bare-feet anywhere outside the beach, pool, or your home is not safe or sanitary.

"Wait (The Whisper Song)"-Ying Yang Twins

“Walkin’ round the club with ya thumb in ya mouth””

— Kane, Yang of the Ying Yang Twins

Kaine and D-Roc of The Ying Yang Twins made an iconic party staple whispering over an entire track; never-mind the fact that this would be an ineffective way to speak to anyone in a boisterous club.

 "Walkin' round the club with ya thumb in ya mouth". I believe they're trying to make this woman sound sexy. But there is nothing enticing about a grown woman walking around a dark club with her finger in her mouth. It's poor hygiene. We carry at least 3,000 bacteria from 150 different species on our hands alone (University of Colorado at Boulder). And guess what bacteria type we carry the most on our hands? Fecal matter; poop. So please do not walk around the club or anywhere in life with your fingers in your mouth.

"This Is Why I'm Hot"-MIMS

“This is why I’m hot, I don’t gotta rap, I can sell a mil sayin’ nothin on the track (silence)”

— MIMS

MIMS' "This Is Why I'm Hot" did in fact go platinum, selling a million copies. But not by being silent on a 3 minute track. If he were to say nothing on a track, would it just be an instrumental or did he mean complete silence? Because complete silence sounds like an experimental project Jaden Smith would do today. Jaden could tweet something like "But will you support my silence?" and his followers would immediately go download a 4 minute song with absolutely nothing on it and make it go platinum in an hour. Complex magazine, with their "high" journalistic and artistic integrity would then write "Why Jaden Smith's Silent Track Is More Important Than Nas' Ilmatic". Peak click-bait.

"Grillz"-Nelly

“Rob the jewelry store and tell ‘em make me a grill!”

— Nelly

I do not condone theft of any sort. Remember, this is about nonsensical make believe lyrics. Instead, this is similar to when you're watching a movie about a bunch of guys planning a robbery and you end up rooting for them because their logic is so bad and you wish you could help them out. Like the classic film Set It Off, I'm simply intrigued by the story line.

Nelly and his crew

With that being said, the order of this operation is completely wrong. Nelly and his crew should act like they are in fact purchasing the grill so that the jeweler puts his best effort into what is a very important cultural piece.

What may be even more perturbing than the fact that Nelly is planning a heist, is that Nelly thinks grills are made instantaneously. The jeweler has to make a mold of your mouth, order the diamonds, design and color them, then carefully place and set them. Making it highly unlikely for Nelly to get his grill that same day.

"Right Thurr"-Chingy

“Gimme what you got for a porkchop.
She threw it at me like I was a short-stop”

— Chingy

The second part is witty, but the first part "gimmie what you got for a pork chop" is confusing. Not in the most obscure parts of my mind can I guess what that means. Is it a prize situation where the girl gets a pork chop for dancing well? Even Rap Genius, which is the musical voice of God herself had no clue.

"6 Foot 7 Foot"- Lil Wayne

“Swagger down pat, call my sh*t Patricia”

— Weezy

This post could be entirely made up of Lil Wayne lyrics. As creative as he's been, especially during his 2007-2012 dominance, he has said some head-scratching things. And if you question his lyrics, the Lil Wayne martians will say you just don't understand. I mean, remember when Lil Wayne was just mispronouncing words then saying "oops I mean" before saying the correct word and calling that a bar?

To have something "down pat" means to have something mastered or memorized. He's saying his swagger is so impeccable and "down pat" that you need to call it by it's original name. But "pat" does not originate from the name Patricia. In fact, the shortened name for Patricia would be patty. And I don't think that's what he wants us to call his swag.

Bonus: Anytime Lil Wayne says "Weezy F. Baby and the F is for Phenomenal"

How many young Lil Wayne fans failed spelling tests because they were using an F to spell "Phenomenal"?

Anytime Nicki Minaj tries to rhyme "Nah" with "Knives"

"Make Love"-Gucci Mane Ft. Nicki Minaj

“I rep Queens where they listen to a bunch of Nas
I’m a yes and these b**ches is a bunch of nahs
Tryin’ to win a gunfight with a bunch of knives
”

— Nicki Minaj

The entire song is an enticing mess. Between Nicki and Gucci both, they are really pushing the boundaries of what makes sense. Gucci says he's going to spend a million dollars on his wedding cake and shares his mental health issues in a problematic comparative rhyme saying "you're more bipolar than me". In Nicki Minaj's verse alone she takes two bars off just to laugh and then tell us that she just took two bars off just to laugh.

Honorable Mention:

Young Thug's Entire Verse On Drake's "Sacrifices"

“I’ma use your name like, “Who is he?”
You get it? I said I’ma use a name like, “Who is he?””

— Young Thug

Drake has a particular rhyme scheme on "sacrifices" that flows like this: "Lost millions in the past, I'm talking maybe like 8". And when Thugger borrows it for his own verse, it just doesn't resonate the same. At one point, trying to expand his creativity, Young Thug says, "I’m talkin' neat like freak" followed by other lines that make absolutely no sense.

Historical: "Wanna Be Startin' Something"- Michael Jackson

“Ma ma se, ma ma sa, ma ma ku sa
Ma ma se, ma ma sa, ma ma ku sa”

— Michael Jackson

No "Wanna Be Startin' Somethin' isn't a rap song, but MJ is ingrained in the fabric of all music. He's also every black person's cousin. And a lot of us grew up hearing and dancing along to this phrase without knowing what the heck it meant. Turns out The King of Pop stole the line from Cameroonian musician Manu Dibango and his song "Soul Makossa".

What really makes no sense is the fact that someone made a 10 hour YouTube clip of Michael Jackson singing "Ma ma se, ma ma sa, ma ma ku sa Ma ma se, ma ma sa, ma ma ku sa" over and over again. Feel free to check it out:

Celebrating the Insecure Rapper

“I invented swag
Poppin’ bottles, puttin’ supermodels in the cab, proof.
I guess I got my swagger back, truth
New watch alert, Hublot’s
Or the big face Rollie I got two of those”

— Jay-Z

The opening lines of Jay-Z and Kanye West's debut single, “Otis,” from their 2011 collaborative album Watch The Throne. And if you listen to any radio station that plays rap, you will here a dozen more songs that go something along those same lines.

“They ain’t seen me cause I pulled up in my other Benz
Last week I was in my other other Benz”

— Kanye West

I love rap. I enjoy the hard hitting beats, the storytelling, the clever metaphors and wordplay, the uniqueness of rappers' voice and dialects (unless you're Desiigner), all of it. Rap is a sport and I'm drawn to its competitiveness. The stakes are high in a genre centered around knowing who's better. Rappers have to be hyper aggressive, tough, and self-confident in order to have a chance at "making it".

The egotism rappers exude is more than fun showmanship. Their brash is an attempt to immortalize and elevate themselves to legendary status. The ante is constantly being raised on who can be the most outlandish, flagrant and braggadocios. One of the boldest examples of this is on 2013's Yeezus. On a song titled, "I Am a God", Kanye West literally gives God a feature credit. I mean that is next level narcissism right there and I love it.

Excess and opulence are important themes in the vivid and imaginative lyrics of many rappers. It's all about obtaining colossal sized Picassos, putting 5 carats in your baby girl's ears, driving around with rims whose inch size match your age number. Whether it's cars, clothes, women, jewelry, or houses, the aim is to have as much as possible. Rappers are so infatuated with luxury, that you can point to over 20 songs in which rappers have compared themselves to Liberace himself:

“Liberace fingers, ni—-s hit Lorraine up”

— Pharrell Williams

“Diamonds shining, looking like I robbed Liberace”

— Dr. Dre

Paris, Hublots, Benzes, and of course, the women. In rap, the guy always get the girl; or at least they tell us they do. Even as I continue to confront my conflict with raps’ objectification of women, one of my favorite moments in rap history is on rapper DMX and Sisqo's "What They Really Want". DMX, in the most DMX way, raps and barks the names of 44 women he keeps on constant rotation in his Rolodex.

"There was Brenda, LaTisha, Linda, Felicia (okay!)
Dawn, LeShaun, Ines, and Alicia (ooh!)
Teresa, Monica, Sharron, Nicki (uh-huh!)
Lisa, Veronica, Karen, Vicky (damn!)
Cookies, well I met her in a ice cream parlor (aight?!)
Tonya, Diane, Lori and Carla (okay!)
Marina (uhh) Selena (uhh) Katrina (uhh) Sabrina (uhh)
About three Kim's (What!) LaToya, and Tina (Whoo!)
Shelley, Bridget, Cavi, Rasheeda (uh-huh)
Kelly, Nicole, Angel, Juanita (damn!)
Stacy, Tracie, Rohna, and Ronda (WHAT?!)
Donna, Ulanda (WHAT?!) Tawana, and Wanda"

For fans, it can be hard to listen to music that is so far from your life. How many of us are throwing our Rollies in the sky, popping bottles in VIP, taking PJs (private jets) around the world and courting anyone we desire? We're constantly being reminded that we aren't where they are, doing what they're doing as fresh and cool as them.

“We were down in Pari, keepin’ it Eiflin
You was at home, keepin’ it triflin.”

— 2 Chainz

Rappers and their god like personas can create a distance between us and them. But good music is for the people, to unify us through shared experiences we can all relate to. The pictures these artists paint aren't real life. They are fun stories that take us to a fantasy land. The world isn't a 90's Puff Daddy music video; these guys have mo' money and mo' problems too. Even Yeezy comes clean in his classic song "All Falls Down" saying, "we all self-conscious I'm just the first to admit"; that's real, that's keeping it "one hunnid".

Rappers should feel free and safe enough to talk about their disappointments, their heartbreaks, their desires to change their circumstances. So let's give praise to the rappers who aren't "ballin", who don't get the dream girl, and who aren't the big man on their block.

Pharcyde's "Passin' Me By", Skee-Lo's "I Wish", and Biz Markie's "Just a Friend" are classic hip hop songs most casual listeners have heard at least once. While recognized for their mesmeric beats, catchy hooks, and savy rhyme schemes, rarely do people acknowledge the relatability of the stories told. Each rapper presents scenarios many of us have been in, but are too embarrassed to share. This is a unique gift and responsibility of true artists; to beautifully express the mundane, the normal, the commonalities with which we're all familiar.

1) The Pharcyde's "Passin' Me By"

"Passin Me By" has the quintessential 90's boom bap sound to methodically nod your head to. Hailing from my hometown of Los Angeles, California, Bootie Brown, SlimKid3, Imani, and Fatlip's articulated cadences make rhyming along easy. When I first heard this song at the age of 11, I ran home, printed out the lyrics, and proceeded to memorize every word. It is one of my favorite songs of all time and I still know every line verbatim.

Although the chorus clearly repeats "She keeps on passin' me by", it wasn't until recently at the age of 25 that I realized just how sad their love lives were. All of their crushes really do pass them by. The last verse in particular illustrates the overall mood of the song and plight of these fellows. It's here Fatlip puts his heart on the track while rapping about the dopest Ethiopian woman who simply won't give him the time of day.

Now there she goes again, the dopest Ethiopian
And now the world around me be gets movin in slow motion
when-ever she happens to walk by - why does the apple of my eye
overlook and disregard my feelings no matter how much I try?
Wait, no, i did not really pursue my little princess with persistence;
And I was so low-key that she was unaware of my existence
From a distance I desired, secretly admired her;
Wired her, a letter to get her, and it went:
My dear, my dear, my dear, you do not know me but I know you very well
Now let me tell you bout the feelings I have for you
When I try, or make some sort of attempt, I simp
Damn I wish I wasn't such a wimp!
'Cause then I would let you know that I love you so
And if I was your man then I would be true
The only lying I would do is in the bed with you
Then I signed sincerely the one who loves you dearly, PS love me tender
The letter came back three days later: Return to Sender
Damn!

Poetry. We've all experienced rejection in some form. But it's not often that a rapper admits to being overlooked and disregarded by a woman. Already, his vulnerability is tugging at my heart strings. This woman is the apple of Fatlip's eye. He calls her his little princess, not some b---ch or h-- . Describing a woman you're fond of without using derogatory terms always gets you a win in my book.

Fatlip is so unassuming in his pursuit of this woman that in order to make this young woman aware of his existence he has to write her a letter. Compared to today's suitors who simply slide in your DMs or swipe you to the right on some dating app, Fatlip's efforts are impressive. His salutations are chivalrous and polite harmonizing, "my dear my dear my dear". To be honest, I'd probably marry the first person who wrote me a letter.

While writing the letter Fatlip gets introspective in his admiration for this woman. He admits that he hasn't been able to work up the nerve to approach her and calls himself a wimp and simp. These are fighting words in the hip hop community. Urban Dictionary defines a simp as "a man that puts himself in a subservient/submissive position under women in hopes of winning them over." Unsubscribing to toxic masculinity, Fatlip clearly does not care what you or I think about his emotions. He knows what his heart wants.

Finally, Fatlip builds up the courage to send off the letter with a "the one who loves you dearly" farewell. 3 longs days pass and what happens? The letter is returned to sender. As a listener all you can do is echo Fatlip's final line; a defeated and breathy "damn!". Sometimes you can't win for losing.

2) Skee-Lo "I Wish"

Her boyfriend's tall and he plays ball
So how am I gonna compete with that?
'Cause when it comes to playing basketball
I'm always last to be picked
And in some cases never picked at all
So I just lean up on the wall

I wish I had a brand-new car
So far, I got this hatchback
And everywhere I go, yo, I gets laughed at

Intentionally or unintentionally, Skee-Lo is breaking black male stereotypes by airing out his perceived shortcomings; he's not tall and he's not good at basketball. Meanwhile, Ice Cube was still trying to convince us that he registered a triple double in a pick-up game. There is a historical symbiotic relationship between basketball and hip-hop. Every rapper wants to be a hooper and every hooper wants to be a rapper. This is a biblical fact. Fortunately and unfortunately, many have dabbled in both. 

In this case, the undersized Skee-Lo is not a basketball playing, hip hop rhyming double threat. And he believes these perceived limitations are holding him back from being a cooler, more prosperous guy. So doing what he can with what he has, he brilliantly creates a hit rapping about the things he wishes he had.  Most rap songs sound something like "Yo, I got this, yea I got that, of course I got her, and I even got way more of that". Skee-Lo does the exact opposite, saying "Yo, I wish I had height, I wish I had basketball skills, I really wish I had a girl and a '64 impala, I'll even take a rabbit in a hat". This would have been the perfect time for Shaquille O'Neal as Kazaam the genie to appear.

I'm don't know if Skee-Lo ever got his wishes, but his song sold over 600,000 copies, went gold, and was nominated for Best Rap Solo performance at the 1996 Grammy's. He lost to Coolio's "Gangsta Paradise", but he was so close.

3) Biz Markie "Just a Friend"

So I came to her college on a surprise visit
To see my girl that was so exquisite
It was a school day, I knew she was there
The first semester of the school year
I went to a gate to ask where was her dorm
This guy made me fill out a visitor's form
He told me where it was and I was on my way
To see my baby doll, I was happy to say
I arrived in front of the dormitory
Yo, could you tell me where is door three?
They showed me where it was for the moment
I didn't know I was in for such an event
So I came to her room and opened the door
Oh, snap! Guess what I saw?
A fella tongue-kissin' my girl in the mouth,
I was so in shock my heart went down south
So please listen to the message that I say
Don't ever talk to a girl who says she just has a friend

This is what us young people call "getting played".

Biz Markie's "Just a Friend" is a great karaoke jam. Released in 1989, before rappers were singing hooks and choruses, it's a 80's hip hop love ballad that I will always choose over LL Cool J's "I need love" which has aged terribly.

No matter where you go in the country, most people join along when they hear Biz belt out, "Ohhh babyyy youuuu! Youu got what I neeeeeed!".  A contrast from the tough guy role rappers portray, Biz's playfulness makes this one of the most lighthearted song's in hip hop. His infectious personality and fun rap-a-long style gains the affection of fans. This makes his predicament even more devastating. We love Biz, we are rooting for Biz, we want Biz to win and get the girl.

Being the consummate gentleman, Biz makes a trip to surprise his lady friend while she's at college. He probably has a nice romantic weekend all planned out for him and his lady; beat boxing, taking long walks in the park, making mixtapes on his boombox. You can visualize the whole thing. Yet, to his shock, he finds the lady he's been dating kissing another guy.

We don't know the dynamics of Biz and this woman's relationship, but he's soundly invested. And while she has the right to do what she pleases without his permission, communication could have definitely been clearer. Biz thought his lady was hanging with a platonic friend. She thought Biz was just another friend. You can't help but empathize with the guy.

After such a tragic ordeal, you wonder if Biz developed serious trust issues. But, as a consolation prize, Biz's misfortune has made him a fortune. This hit is still popular 30 years later and has gone on to influence music today. Taking Biz's advice, Chris Brown would go on to make an anthem reminding us that "these h--- ain't loyal".

Hopefully rap will continue to evolve and become more comfortable being self deprecating and despondent. Talking about our pain is a human right that helps us lead healthier lives. We all take L's, but what's most important is that you keep showing up for the game. Law of averages says that you're eventually going to win. Keep swinging.

“Last night took an L but tonight I bounced back”

— Big Sean

Purple Moonlight Mixtape

Moonlight recently won the Academy Award for Best Picture, Best Adapted Screenplay, and Mahershala Ali won Best Supporting Actor for his role. The film is visually captivating. Please see this film if you have not already.

Moonlight holds a special place in my heart. I saw it on November 8th, 2016 (kind of a big day). It was late in the evening, the Electoral College numbers were coming in and my friend and I figured we should go see Moonlight to distract from what was happening. When the credits rolled, I was an emotional mess. Then my friend and I turned our phones on and saw the election results. I couldn't move. 

Barry Jenkins, Moonlight's director, listens to chopped and screwed music everyday. Robert Earl "DJ Screw" Davis Jr. created the chopped and screwed (or "slowed and throwed") technique in the early 90s on turntables by slowing down the tempo of a song, skipping beats, and using stop-time to give the song a cool, sedated Houston lean.

Unfortunately, DJ Screw passed in 2000, but his legacy is strong and his influence is everywhere in hip-hop. Popular Harlem based rapper A$AP Rocky heavily relies on the chopped and screwed technique, Kanye West used it in the chorus of 2012's hit song "Mercy," and Houston rapper Mike Jones featured the sound on his break out hit "Still Tippin'."

Now, I need to take a moment to pay homage to "Still Tippin'." I was 13 years old when this record came out and it quickly became my pre-game ritual for every basketball tournament that spring. I balled out thanks to it. "Still Tippin'" was a track that made the rare crossover from the Houston streets to the airwaves of Los Angeles where I grew up. At the time, LA rap stations really only played West Coast artists with the occasional mainstream East Coast/Midwest artists, and the only taste of southern rap being from Atlanta.  I was mesmerized by the thick slowed chorus, the abrupt strong keys and the rappers' smooth Houston dialects. In Shea Serrano's New York Times Best Seller The Rap Year Book: The Most Important Rap Song From Every Year Since 1979, Discussed, Debated, and Deconstructed, "Still Tippin'" is crowned the most important rap song of 2004. It's in this song, Mike Jones blesses the world with his iconic line, "Back then h--s didn't want me, now I'm hot h--s all on me". He raps this phrase 4 times in a row because repetition supports emphasis. He needs us to know what's up. Featured artists Paul Wall and Slim Thug give nice supporting verses. Paul Wall wall in particular has been integral to the grill culture in Houston, The South, and hip-hop in general. In Moonlight, gaudy grills become part of Chiron's shielded exterior in his manhood. He even drives an old school "slab" (slow loud and banging) car, like the ones featured in the "Still Tippin" video. Grills, chopped and screwed sounds, slabs, this is peak southern hip hop culture. Disclaimer, this is not an edited version and the lyrics are explicit:

Moonlight's use of chopped music works perfectly with the film's mood and southern coastal backdrop. Like the story and its protagonist, Chiron, the music is dense, haunting and trudges along. Thanks to the success of the film, Barry Jenkins teamed up with Houston's very own collective, The Chopstars, to bring us the Purple Moonlight mixtape. "Keeping DJ Screw alive since 2001," the Chopstars honor DJ Screw in everything they do. They've chopped popular projects from Drake's Take Care to Little Dragon's Nabuma Purple Rubberband. Most recently, the collective chopped parts of Frank Ocean's Blonde and created a Houston throwed mash up of the Knowles sisters' Lemonade and A Seat at the table. The Purple Moonlight mixtape is a 26 track "chopped not slopped" version of the movies soundtrack as well additional recent releases at the end. I've listened to it everyday since it came out. "When life movin' too fast, let the Chopstars slow it down for you". Enjoy.